Let's get authentic about ego...

I heard Sib say 'I’mma do what I wanna do.'  And all I could think was... 'How about you do what you are here to do - what you’ve consistently built up desire to do???'

Reflecting on this recent interaction, I wanted to take some time to chat with you - My Tribe of Visionary Leaders - about EGO!  Yes, ego.  The often misunderstood, misrepresented, and misused word:  ego.

Because “I’mma do what I wanna do” is not healthy ego!

Sib - ego is worthy of talking about because you want one and you want it to be what my favorite brand strategist calls a "Deep Ego" - #NoGamesPlayed - it’s time to slay! 

​And you cannot slay, score, or shine without an authentic expression of your ego.

Before we get into the beauty of ego, let’s talk about why I feel the need to defend it:  ego has such a bad rep that it simply does not deserve.  #ButIgnorance #AndViolence

Why y'all hatin' on folks having self-esteem?  What’s so wrong with self-esteem? 

Well, nothing - in and of itself.  However, policing of self-esteem is always violent and some uses of self-esteem are violent.  And THIS is why ego is widely misconstrued.

Many of us first or often hear the word ego in connection with someone who is using their self-esteem to lessen others’ self-esteem.  Other times ego is used by humans who want to police how others feel about themselves.  Both result in unhealthy expressions of ego - and leave folks feeling like ego is a bad thing.  

Why would anyone want another reason to be lessened or controlled?  

When this is your experience, you can see the violence in ego and rebuke it whenever you see it.  Whereas, when you have experiences with humans who use their self-esteem to increase others’ self-esteem - oh that’s a whole different ball game!  You see the benefits of ego and want everyone to have it.  You don’t see the violence in ego, and look forward to it.

​I’d like to offer you some food for your mind, body, and spirit:

• Healthy ego is not encouraged by all structures of society.  You are told who you are from the moment you are born and discouraged from correcting folks when they are wrong about you.
• Healthy ego is not safe in most spaces of society.  You are not accepted when your authentic difference is not allowed by "the powers that be" - personally and professionally your being or doing is dishonored or attacked.

​Our society - as it is today - survives on unhealthy egos running amuck!

Society functions by marginalizing and minimizing what is real that deviates from what is desired by those in power.  
​
This is why so many humans feel forced into, pressured into, and modeled into having an unhealthy ego. 

And because society also works very hard to NOT call a thing, a thing...

...we are all confused about what unhealthy ego looks and feels like vs. what healthy ego looks and feels like.

Iyanla Vanzant saying "Let's call a thing a thing people!" via GIPHY

Well, you know I got you!

​Follow me into a world where it’s logical to equate being clear on and harnessing your activated and authentic ego - your purpose, skills, abilities, goals, connections, and resources - with wearing the right pair of shoes for you.

In this world - just like in our world - unhealthy ego is like:

• you don’t know what shoes to buy that work for you; or,
• you don’t know where to get the shoes that work for you; or,
• you already bought the shoes but refuse/are scared to wear them; or,
• you wear the shoes and choose to weaponize them against self or others.

Healthy ego isn’t encouraged or even safe because our society does not allow for Actionable Safe Spaces™ - that’s why I’m here!  #Lol  But seriously, I can guarantee you that you haven’t seen healthy ego modeled often.  

So aligning with the shoe analogy, this is what healthy ego is like:

• you bought the shoes and wear them WHENEVER; and,
• you bought the shoes and wear them WHEREVER; and,
• you bought the shoes and wear them as DESIRED; and,
• your choices & actions reflect that you KNOW your shoes are for YOU & about self - not others!

I don’t believe in good and bad - that’s judgment and judgment is ashy!  And y’all know I won’t be caught dead being ashy in these streets!

However, I can say this:  Ego is about you, yet will impact others regardless of whether yours is healthy or unhealthy.
​

• Your unhealthy ego will impact people in a dishonoring way and will perpetuate the false concept that ego is bad and to be avoided or shed.​
• Your healthy ego will impact people in an honoring way and will perpetuate the true concept that ego is good and to be encouraged and developed.

Ego is misunderstood because people think that folks with healthy egos are different than people with unhealthy egos due to their egos being inherently different.  

When in reality, what makes people with healthy egos different than those who have unhealthy egos is how they are using the ego they have; not that their egos are different.​

​We all have an ego - and while the context and content of our egos are unique, the essence of ego is not.

People with unhealthy egos act out of ego.  With an unhealthy ego, you will desire what you think will increase your ego and connection with what you want.

But it won’t!  

So instead - you end up creating a whole ashy mess of hurt and pain in these unsafe engagements with self and others.

People with healthy egos do not act out of ego, they act out of self-honoring desire and values-based choices.  This works because your desire has nothing to do with others. 

Let me break it down for you:

1. You get to choose who to share your desires, choices, and actions with.  
2. They get to choose whether to engage with the authentic you they are experiencing.  
3. You get to have those around you who choose to be and do with you.  

No one is hurt - there’s no ashyness or pain - and your engagements with self and others occur in Actionable Safe Spaces™ - YAY!​

Having and engaging with an unhealthy ego emboldens oppression in society and reinforces violence against humanity.  #StopBeingAshy

Let’s talk about what being ashy with EGO looks like and how you can get you some lotion:

Collectively it looks like:
White Supremacy in all its various forms.  #Ugh - the ashyness.
 
#CoachEbonySays:   Embodying and expressing healthy ego is a direct affront to white supremacy everywhere.

LOTION
​Stop aligning your value with others
and learn to accept that others
​offer value different than yours.

Individually it looks like: 
I’m better than you because I have / know / went / experience... #HardStop - more ashyness!  
 
#CoachEbonySays:  Embodying and expressing healthy ego provides authentic resonance and connection. 

LOTION
​​Stop weaponizing your truth against others
and learn to love yourself enough to
​accept and honor the truth of others.

I know you are struggling with this bullshit...you deserve to have Actionable Safe Spaces™ no matter where you are and will need a HUGE HEALTHY AUTHENTIC A.S.S.™ EGO for that. 

​Society is a whole fucking mess today AND there is beauty and growth abound!  ​Trust; you can choose to be a part of that beauty and growth. 
 
All you need is clarity….and I am here.

Ebony L. Green is a certified coach who is the creator and founder of the Desire Choose Act™ signature series of coaching & training programs that help you own, celebrate, and monetize your difference.

#CoachEbonySays: I specialize in connecting people with their Whole A.S.S.™ Authentic Self. I want you to stop being ashy out here in your life - personally and professionally. I am here so you can REALLY start securing the bag of self-love, self-care, and self-shine!
​
If you are ready to start stepping into the shoes of your desired Future Self, schedule your free consultation today!