Your self-reflection efforts will betray you if you confuse internal messages with inner messengers. This is easy to do and never serves you, your truth, or your vision.
Let's dive into the world of self-reflection, where you're not just looking in the mirror; you're doing a deep dive into the essence of who you are and what’s going on in and around you. I can tell you that it's like taking a stroll with a curious mind and an open lens through the world of your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and situationships.
Self-reflection is all about that introspection game; it is a process that allows you to step back and play detective with your life journey. Picture it: objectively dissecting your self and what’s happening within and around you to uncover the gems in the messages and their aligned lessons. It's not just seeing; it's understanding on a whole new level so you can activate your desires with more clarity while navigating your struggles with more confidence and resilience.
Self-reflection isn't your run-of-the-mill, basic ass analysis; it's a journey where you unearth your strengths and weaknesses, unveil patterns and biases, and put your actions, decisions, and happenings under the microscope. It's a power move for self-awareness and personal growth, a tool that transforms conscious choices and deepens your sense of self.
And this is why self-reflection plays a crucial role in bettering your life - when you’re alone and with others. Self-reflection allows you to gain deeper insights into yourself and your world around you. It is through self-reflection that you build your capacity to better uncover hidden truths, confront your fears, and grow as an individual and within a chosen collective.
However, doing alluhdis requires that you see and respond to the learnings in the internal messages you gain from self-reflection. See, self-reflection provides you internal messages via inner messengers but it is a process and no process can tell you who to be, what to do, or what to change: you’ll need your discernment for that Boo! And, you’ll need something to discern that ain’t some bullshit - you want what you’re processing to be true in order for you to get the benefits. This means you gotta start with good information!
And this is where most people struggle with self-reflection in life and love: they don’t have a clear distinction between the internal messages they receive and the inner messengers who deliver them. This effs up self-reflection bliss and growth!
You know I don’t want you ASHY outcheare in these streets, so let’s get you some lotion! Because baybee when it comes to the biggest lessons in life and love, the differences between your internal messages and messengers are difficult to distinguish yet instrumental to getting the benefits from your self-reflection.
Self-reflection plays a crucial role in navigating the complexities of life and love because this process - whatever it looks like for you - has the potential to provide a deeper understanding of your self, your desires, and your relationships. Notice I said potential and I hinted at this above: to get these benefits and more, it is essential to distinguish between the internal messages you receive and the internal messengers that share them with you. Trust - ignoring this discrepancy between your internal messages and their messengers leads to confusion, disappointment, and failed connections.
To truly benefit from self-reflection, you must learn to look beyond surface-level impressions and go deeper into the core of thangs. While first impressions can be captivating, they seldom reveal the true nature of self or what’s happening within you and outside of you.
Plus - and this is key - self-reflection works best when you examine your own motivations, values, behaviors, and situationships to ensure they align with who you want to be and what you want to do. This requires a healthy intrapersonal relationship with self, honesty and vulnerability with self, as well as compassion-filled patience with self. You'll want all of this to navigate your life and connections with new information that oftentimes makes ish more complex before things become easier as you confront your flaws and work towards personal growth.
By engaging in this level of self-awareness, you create a solid foundation for building genuine connections in and outside of self based on authenticity (the truth in your being) so you can move with integrity (the truth in your doing). Yet - you cannot get to authenticity when you think your inner messengers are your internal messages.
Internal Messages vs. Inner Messengers
For the purpose of this conversation, messengers and messages are intrinsic to you. This ain’t about the person who told you something (the outer messenger) versus what they said to you (the externalized message). This is about the ways their words impacted your internal (the inner messenger) and what that impresses upon you to discern about for your future choices and actions (the internal message).
To be clear -
Note that others will resonate with your inner messengers because they are likely to share one or a few with you. This is all a part of the shared human experience. Yet, your internal messages will tend to be extremely personal and bespoke - others won’t have the same internal messages as you, although they may be going through the same things as you.
Your inner messengers align with the experiences you’ve had as a human, which other humans could have had too - circumstances willing. On the other hand, your internal messages will align with the truth of your being and doing, which no one else can possibly have.
Why This Matters
My clients love to self-reflect and go deeper. On a daily basis, I engage with people who take self-reflection seriously; many of them have it built into their daily workflows via their morning or evening routines.
What I find interesting is that whether journaling, meditating, venting, etc. - more often than not, people self-reflect (and really hard too) about their inner messengers, not their internal messages.
This wastes time and keeps you from your power; it’s ashy - I said it!!!
But let me not just say it, we do break things all the way down at Authentic Distinction™!
As examples and to drive this home for you, we will discuss fear and self-doubt.
Fear is often felt as a negative emotion, something to be avoided or suppressed. You’ve probably heard that it can also serve as a messenger, bringing important messages and insights to your awareness. This is one of those internal messengers I spoke about above…instead of allowing fear to be the object of your self-reflection, you can choose to listen to your fear’s message and use it as a guide for growth and self-discovery.
Fear often arises in situations where you feel threatened or uncertain as it is often a signal that there is something you want to pay attention to or address in your life or love. When fear arises, it serves and honors you to take a step back and examine the underlying causes. For example, is it a fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown? By understanding the root cause of your fears, you can begin to address them more effectively.
#SelfDefinitionsMatter. I define fear as what you feel when you consciously or unconsciously realize you are missing information about ish that matters to you.
and Fear can also be an indicator of your values and desires as it points you to what truly matters to you and what you want to pursue in your life and love. Acknowledging and embracing your fears is a powerful way to gain clarity on your goals and aspirations.
In addition, fear can be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. It pushes you out of your comfort zone and challenges you to overcome obstacles and setbacks. Ultimately, fear is not your enemy but a helpful inner messenger. It brings your attention to areas in your life that need growth and change. But note that fear is the messenger - not the message, and it’s the message that you want to spend your time, energy, and efforts self-reflecting on…
Fear and Curiosity
Curiosity is required to see the internal message being delivered by your fears because it unlocks the data and information hidden within what your fears are saying to you. It is the spark that ignites your desire to explore, to question, to seek, and to understand.
When you approach life and love with a sense of curiosity, you open yourself up to a world of endless possibilities and become like a child again: eager to learn, to discover, to unravel the mysteries that surround you. Curiosity is the fuel that propels you forward, pushing you to venture into the unknown, while supporting you in facing your fears with “I wish you would!” energy.
It is through curiosity that you find the courage to take risks, to step out of your comfort zones, and to challenge yourself in ways that honor you. Curiosity creates access to the knowledge, insights, and wisdom that will ultimately obliterate the fears that triggered this particular application of your curiosity.
Your curiosity is the antidote to fear because it allows for THE REFRAME.
Being curious provides you the capacity to reframe your perspective and see your life and love situationships from a different angle. This shift in perception or lens allows you to explore new possibilities, find alternative solutions, and ultimately reduce the grip that fear has on you.
This is all about taking away the power from your fears and giving it back to your self. Every time you choose curiosity when you’re afraid in life and love, you reframe the power within the fear into power for you to use to change whatever is causing you fear. If your self-reflection is centering your fear, you are not curious. When you self-reflect without curiosity about your fears, you miss the internal messages they carry.
And this is because neither your fears or your curiosity are the internal message; both are successive, inner messengers that are providing you a personalized wake up call! Remember that your curiosity is not the end goal, but rather the very next step after you recognize your fear so you can get to growth and understanding.
So, the next time you find yourself facing fear, embrace your curiosity and let it lead you towards a new way of seeing and experiencing the situation. Hear me when I say: curiosity is how you will see the internal messages that life and love send to and for only you!
Self-doubt is a common experience that many people face in life and love; however, it's important to remember that self-doubt is not the truth or the message. Self-doubt is another inner messenger trying to get your attention.
Instead of allowing self-doubt to hold you back or discourage you from pursuing your goals, try to understand the underlying message it is trying to convey. Often, self-doubt arises as a result of fear, perfectionism, or comparison to others. By acknowledging these underlying issues, you can address them head-on and find ways to overcome them.
Self-Doubt and Self-Awareness
By cultivating a deep sense of self-awareness, you develop the courage and strength to combat the nagging voice of self-doubt that creeps into your mind. It is through understanding and accepting your strengths, weaknesses, values, and beliefs, that you gain the capacity to develop the capability of overcoming self-doubt in the pursuit of your goals.
Self-awareness is a huge process in your journey of self-discovery; during which you learn to embrace your unique qualities and activate your own value. With this newfound awareness, you can challenge the doubts that hold you back and step into your true potential. It is important to remember that self-doubt is a natural part of the human experience, but it does not have to define you.
By actively cultivating awareness, you shift perspectives and focus on your strengths and achievements, rather than dwelling on your perceived inadequacies. Owning and slaying with awareness takes time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable and therefore priceless. When you embrace self-awareness, self-doubt loses it’s power to hold you back from achieving your full potential right now and in the future.
Your awareness is the antidote to self-doubt because it ACTIVATES THE REFRAME.
One way to increase self-awareness so you can combat your self-doubt is to focus on your strengths and accomplishments. Be unapologetic as you remind yourself of the positive feedback you've received, the impact you've made, and the growth you've experienced throughout your life or love journeys. Celebrate your successes - no matter how small they may seem at the time; trust that they add up to huge wins - so be sure to use them as fuel to propel yourself forward each and erry day.
Another helpful strategy is to surround yourself with a supportive community that reinforces your self-honoring boundaries. Connect with other humans who share similar struggles and learn from their experiences. Build a network of like-minded folks who can provide encouragement, advice, and inspiration. Remember, you are not alone in your self-doubt, and having a support system can make all the difference in overcoming it.
Lastly, stand ten toes down in self-compassion. Be real yet loving to yourself and recognize that it's okay to make mistakes and have moments of confusion. Accept that growth and learning often come from stepping outside of your comfort zone, and that includes embracing and working through self-doubt.
And just like your fears and curiosity, your self-doubt and self-awareness are inner messengers that share intimate messages with you! Remember that self-awareness is not the whole point of all of this, but rather the very next step after you recognize your self-doubts so you can get to the true message you need to hear - right now, to become who you are trying to become and do what you are trying to do!
So, the next time self-doubt shows up tryna wreak havoc like the Allstate Mayhem guy, be like “have several seats, I need to process and you’ve served your purpose so byeeeee” - #Excused. It’s important to recognize self-doubt is only a messenger and therefore doesn’t need your attention or space for very long. Take a closer look at the underlying issues your self-doubt represents, surround yourself with support, and practice self-compassion. With time and perseverance, you can overcome self-doubt with self-awareness.
When it comes to self-reflection in life and love, it is important to distinguish between internal messages (which you can use to grow) and inner messengers (which are needed to deliver messages). Understanding this distinction is crucial in order to navigate your relationships and personal growth effectively. It is easy to get caught up on the provider/deliverer of an internal message rather than focusing on what the message means for your life and your connections.
In life, you have encountered and will continue to encounter countless situations where self-reflection plays a pivotal role. Yet, if you become overly preoccupied with the intrapersonal mechanisms that deliver these messages - or even how/when they show up - you risk missing out on valuable opportunities for growth and self-improvement. Similarly, when it comes to matters of the heart, love requires that you skillfully navigate between assessing the messenger vs. message and understanding the message.
Bottom line…self-reflection in life and love involves recognizing the importance of both internal messages and inner messengers. By remaining open-minded and receptive to different perspectives regardless of how you get them, you can enhance your personal growth and strengthen your relationships. Embracing this understanding allows you to go deeper into your truth and farther with your impact and legacy; ultimately leading you to greater fulfillment in both life and love.
TLDR: Self-Reflect In Ways That Honor Your Life and Love
It is highly problematic to think that focusing on a messenger will help you get to the message the universe sent to and for you through that messenger. #StopBeingAshy - here’s your lotion:
I know the struggle of self-reflecting on the messenger because you can’t see or hear the message...it hurts, wastes errybody's time, and it's ashy; yet, I believe you deserve to have Actionable Safe Spaces™ no matter where you are with this.
I know that to have this you will need TO PROCESS INTERNAL MESSAGES to create a sense of safety that you can rely on because it comes from within. Society is a whole fucking mess today AND there is beauty and growth abound! Trust; you can choose to be a part of that beauty and growth right alongside me.
All you need is clarity, confidence, and resilience...and never forget that I am here to activate you as you develop yours.
I love and am quite obsessed with the cycle of learning, applying, and teaching. This blog is my place to exercise this passion while fulfilling my purpose to activate knowing and choice.