Harnessing Unbreakable Boundaries in Life and Love

​Self-Honoring Boundaries are the Key to Thriving in Life and Love

Being present and joyful in life and love requires engaging with the right people, things, places, and experiences for you. I’m here to tell you that choosing and acting on what is right for you involves 1) creating self-honoring boundaries, 2) establishing clear self-value, and 3) demonstrating your proven impact.

​That first part involves boundaries and you'll need your boundaries to be self-honoring to actualize the other two parts.  So, let’s talk about what self-honoring boundaries are and how you can create and own them!

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The biggest misconception about boundaries is that humans are walking around existing without them.  We all have boundaries, and you need only pay attention to peep, spot, and recognize someone else’s boundaries. 

I reckon when folks say someone doesn’t have boundaries, what they are saying (without clarity) is that this someone doesn’t live and exist with self-honoring boundaries.  They validly deduce this conclusion after witnessing said someone engage with themselves, people, places, and things in ways that don’t serve them.

The fact is that we all have boundaries and it’s important to own that you get to choose whether you show up and exist with self-honoring boundaries or self-dishonoring boundaries.  And by the end of this, I’m sure you’ll see why The Ratchet Sage™ says:  “Self-honoring boundaries are the key to your thriving in life and love.”

Boundaries:  Self-Honoring vs. Self-Dishonoring

When you hear “self-honoring boundaries” it’s easy to be like “Yup, I got those” or perhaps even “I want to have those” - and either way, I got you!

To create and live your self-honoring boundaries, it helps to start with knowing and working from the following:

1. Boundaries are for you and start with self.  They are intrapersonal, and when activated, they become interpersonal as well.  This is how your boundaries are for you (not others) and start with self (your being and doing, not others’ being and doing).
2. Knowing how you get clear on the boundaries you have and hold.  Evaluation is crucial to this inner work and if you don’t know how you assess, you won’t know which kind of boundaries you are living and loving with at any given moment.
3. Boundaries allow for relationships and connection.  They are you modeling for others what you will accept and won’t accept - from self first.  It is as a consequence of this truth with self that others end up aligning with, and the opposite of this alignment is them denying what you are willing or unwilling to accept.
4. Boundaries demonstrate while communicating your yes and your no.  In your modeling, discerning people can tell what you are about and what you are not about (in your being and doing).  People who are paying attention - for healthy and unhealthy reasons, but I digress - these people have a chance to know your personal limits and preferences.
5. Boundaries allow for authentic living and loving.  This is because they speak to your authenticity and identity (BEING) - and when activated - they showcase your integrity and behavior (DOING).

From these starting points you can see that your boundaries will be self-dishonoring when:

1. they are centered on others or are made to be about others;
2. you are unclear on the boundaries you have and hold or are unsure whether they are working for you or not;
3. they disrupt the relationships and connections that matter to you and/or your life;
4. you say no (yes) when you want to say yes (no) in life and love; plus when,
5. they showcase a lack of authenticity in your BEING and a lack of integrity in your DOING.

Boundaries, You, and Others

I will die on this hill:  Boundaries are for you, they are not for others!  They are intrapersonal way before they ever become interpersonal.  
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• Intrapersonal means “in relation to oneself” - or to connect the dots:  your boundaries are related to you and reflect your relationship with yourself in any given moment.
• Interpersonal means “in relation to others” - or to stay on topic:  your boundaries are activated when you engage with others and will make up the possibilities of what your relationships can be with others.

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Boundaries activate who you have decided you will be and who you have decided you will not be.  Boundaries showcase what you have decided you will do and what you have decided you will not do.  This is all the intrapersonal side of this inner work.

This is why boundaries are for you.  Yes, it makes sense that if you’ve decided you don’t push yourself, for example, that you don’t allow others to come into your life and push you either.  This is the interpersonal side where other people come into play.

Being around others doesn’t mean you cease having things you will or won’t BE about or DO.

via GIPHY

So, it doesn’t make sense to abandon your intrapersonal choices for you when you engage with others interpersonally. 

When you choose to be around others who don’t honor what you will into being and doing for yourself, you will engage with self-dishonoring boundaries or choose to stand ten toes in your self-honoring boundaries and dip on they ass (whatever that looks like for you)!

When you choose to be around folks who honor what you want for yourself (in being and doing), you will engage with self-honoring boundaries or choose to disrupt the authentic connections you have by letting your P.E.I.H.™ get a hold of you!

And still, your boundaries are for you, not others - yet, they are also powerful gateways for authentic connections in life and love.

My Self-Honoring Boundaries Framework

Mastering the art of creating and owning self-honoring boundaries in life and love is like going from chaos to order in your relationships with self and others. 

Let me hold some of that burden for you by sharing the following with you.

The very first thing you will use to master the art of self-honoring boundaries is authentic clarity on what you use to make decisions period.  The most authentic way to make decisions is to get clear on what you believe in life and about love, decide whether these convictions help you get to where you want to go in life and love, and then plan accordingly.

Next, you'll want clarity on what really matters to you.  The most authentic way to know what matters to you is to get clear on what you value in life and love, decide whether your desires help you get to where you want to go in life and love, and then respond accordingly.

Only after you've considered these things that deeply will you be able to see how your authentic convictions and authentic desires inform your self-honoring boundaries.

​And how your beliefs and values can work FOR you to create self-honoring boundaries and how they can work AGAINST you to create self-dishonoring boundaries.

In your life and love, when you have convictions that do not align with where you want to go or what you believe is possible plus you have values that don't support you in fulfilling your desires...you have self-dishonoring boundaries and say yes to shit you wanna say no to - and say no to amazingness you wanna say yes to.

Likewise, when your convictions and values do align with the beliefs and desires that support you in getting to where you want to go in life and love...you have self-honoring boundaries and say yes to shit you wanna say yes to - and vice versa. 

Again, boundaries are for you - not others; they are here to keep you covered and protected from within as you exist and love in a very unsafe world.

TLDR:  Transform Your Life and Love with Self-Honoring Boundaries

It is highly problematic to think you will have - or even do have - healthy engagements with self and others when you are not sure you have and own self-honoring boundaries that are authentic to you.  #StopBeingAshy - here’s your lotion:
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1. Boundaries are for you - not others - and collectively govern what you desire for your Current Self in your being and your doing.
2. Your beliefs and convictions are what you use to make choices and take actions in life and reflect how you want to BE in life and love. 
3. Your values and desires are what you use to decide what matters to you in life and reflect how you want to DO things in life and love. 
4. To ensure your boundaries remain self-honoring in any time and space, formulate and pivot your boundaries based on your authentic beliefs and values in alignment with your authentic convictions and desires (respectively).

It really is that simple.  Being healthy, feeling safe, and existing happy is what is complicated about boundaries.  When you say yes to the shit you want to say no to, you will struggle with your health, security, and wellbeing - and ain’t none of that good for life or love.  This also happens when you say no to the shit you want to say yes to.  Whew the inauthentic ashyness!

​Yet, when you are authentic:  your boundaries are self-honoring and therefore you say yes to what you want to say yes to and your no is unapologetic. 

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Discern with clarity what you want life and love to look like and hit like for you; use your clarity to fuel your desires.
Decide with confidence in life and love; use your beliefs and convictions to remain authentic in your being through it all.
Deliver with resilience in life and love; use your values and desires as an internal compass to guide your authentic doing.

I know you are struggling with the fuckery of living and loving with your truth...folks are outcheare ashy; yet, you deserve to have Actionable Safe Spaces™ no matter where you are and will need YOUR SELF-HONORING BOUNDARIES for that.

Society is a whole fucking mess today AND there is beauty and growth abound!  Trust; you can choose to be a part of that beauty and growth right alongside me.  

All you need is clarity, confidence, and resilience...and know that I am here to activate you as you develop yours.

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